Today, I’m officially in my 30s. I am no longer 30-nothing but a 31-year old. I post this bare photo of me. No make up (not that I ever wear any), no smile, just me. I guess in some ways I look young – no real wrinkles yet. But is there maybe a bit of experience behind those eyes?
I’ve experienced my fair share in the past number of years. Those close to me will understand what that means and those who don’t know me that well, well what can I say? I’ve had the privilege of traveling to many places around the world and now I’m only missing two continents: Australia and Antartica. Not bad.
What I haven’t achieved: Well, I don’t really have any sort of career. I’m currently jobless and looking. I’ve had a really great interview recently and maybe something could come of that. I’d love to get that job but these are hard times for the unemployed. There has been opportunity in unemployment however. I’ve started Caryl Style, my knitwear design business. I released a very successful pattern during the summer: Ruffle My Feathers; and I’m hoping that my new Purple Rain Collection fares well. This aspect of my life is one I’m very proud of.
Being a facebook user, I’m now privy to the accomplishments of friends as far back as junior high. Most of these old friends seem to have families and own homes. I own nothing except for probably too much yarn and too many knitting books and magazines. I have no children and I’m very single. I’m feeling very single at the moment because I was having an absolutely delightful time flirting with a guy at my gym. After weeks of sharing long looks, we finally started talking. Sadly, upon the third day of conversation, I found out that my gym crush was indeed married. That really killed me. Married people shouldn’t flirt with us singletons. It inspires hope that will only be dashed. So I’m a bit sad because I felt a real connection with someone after a long time and at least for me, that’s dead in the water. I know another bit of romance will transpire in the near future but for now I wallow in what could have been.
Children: As my biological clock is rearing it’s head, I must ask myself, do I want children? The answer: I don’t know. I think I might want children because I don’t want to someday regret that I didn’t have them. However, do I deeply desire kids? Not really. I don’t even particularly like other people’s kids. So maybe I’m not meant to be a mother and if later in life I do want one, well there are tons of kids that need adopting, no? I have time yet to consider the question of children but I’m not desperate for them, I don’t even really want them.
So today I’m 31. I’ve settled in NYC for now. I’m jobless but have a burgeoning knitwear design career. I’m without a life companion and slightly disappointed at the moment, but romance will happen when it’s ready. I guess overall I’m OK. I’m not on top of the world but neither am I rock bottom. I’m OK and I’m OK with that. 🙂